Dear BBC,

I’m writing to express my gratitude. While Channel 4 viciously attacks the gypsies, there you are seeing to it that single mothers get what’s coming to them—good on you, BBC!

I am of course referring to Allegra Stratton’s recent exposé into Shanene Thorpe, a woman, with a child, claiming housing benefit in East London. Stratton did a similar number on pensioner benefits the night before. Not only must she vehemently loathe working single mothers, but also old people—like myself!

How refreshingly philanthropic it is of Allegra to, during a recession, go after these awful, foul people. She’s like a modern day Robin Hood, except that rather than stealing from the rich and giving to the poor, she interviews the poor and then edits it to make it look like she’s won.

Because of this, Allegra has long been one of my favourite journalists on Newsnight. Sure, it’s easy to criticise Allegra because her career owes itself not to her extraordinary skills as a journalist, but to the fact that she attended a fantastically expensive selective independent school. However, you’d be wrong to do so, for her savage exposés into scrounging, needy beggars are finally bringing justice to this once great country.

As they say in Germany: scheiß auf die armen!

Yours faithfully,
Eric Peebles