When I first envisioned the design of No Soap Radio Polka, I saw blue. Lots of blue. A cornucopia of blue. An unnecessary amount of blue. And I wanted to have new age music playing in the background and the sound of someone telling you what you were hovering over.
“Home!” I wanted it to say, in a deep, reverberated voice, when you hovered over the link to takes you to the home page.
Unfortunately, though, I went with this design instead. If only I had been aware of Superior Web Solutions – a glorious wonderland of ridiculousness and the unwanted love child of Windows 95 and Microsoft Powerpoint, midwifed by Geocities – things could have been very different.
“You’re falling deeper into the colour…of a dream!” a voice tells me, as I enter the site.
The colour of that dream appears to be blue. 90% of the blue you come across in your life is on this site. There’s a little bit of silver, black and white here, too. Really, though, it’s mostly just blue.
“Dream-a-yeah-IN!” sings a woman, just in case you hadn’t read the text on the page that reads ‘Built in 1999’.
I click on the ‘Enter’ button.
“You are entering an unusual site,” I’m informed .
This is apparently where “art form is everything and the greatest ideas are created.” Yet when I scroll over the ‘Shop’ button I hear the distorted, drawn-out sound of a man saying, “Oh, yeah!”
This site literally has everything: TV, cartoons, flash games, business quotes, a video maker, radio, news, a guestbook, etc. Everything!
Dramatic African music complete with impressive biblical singing plays in the background. It makes me imagine a tribe of people sitting around a fire, involved in some sort of spiritual ceremony. I imagine the wisest member of the tribe is holding up a laptop with the site’s homepage open with an energy being projected out of the screen.
I think that image accurately conveys the site’s religious undertones.
Eventually, I click on ‘Chat’ and a little chat room loads up complete with swearing and people asking, “WTF? What the hell is this site?”
I go back and click on ‘Games’ and soon find myself playing something where I have to shoot the members of defunct boyband Nsync. The game’s a stinker and I start to feel a little sadistic playing it, so I go back and click on ‘Taget Shoot’, which has to be one of the most boring games that I’ve ever played, and involves simply holding your mouse over a target (or taget) and clicking.
I go back, once again, to the homepage. This time I click on ‘Cams’. This might just be the most ridiculous page yet. Once again, music plays and there’s flashing images of famous locations from around the world. The music sounds remarkably similar to the music of Lady Gaga, but much less irritating and far more amusing. Could her whole career be based on something she heard on Superior Web Solutions, I think to myself, the site “where the greatest ideas are created”?
Yes is likely the answer.