A Change in the Weather

This country isn’t cut out for hot weather. Two days of sun and everybody loses their minds. Previously seemingly normal people can be seen walking around drunk and bare chested in supermarkets, aimlessly scanning the aisles for crunchy things and more booze. Meat is also purchased, and then burnt to a crisp, producing semi-incinerated meat capsules: charcoaled on the outside, but refreshingly cool in the middle. The song I Like To Move It resonates from tiny, tinny speakers and beer-bellied louts annoy everyone but themselves by throwing one of those awful Nerf things around, which have no doubt provided the unsettling soundtrack to head injuries everywhere.

It’s probably just me, to be fair. I was out the other day and people were actually whooping. They were drunk, but still – whooping. People love the sun in this country, even if it is only for a few days. I on the other hand, wasn’t really cut out for hot weather. The heat makes me slow and frustrated – frustrated mostly because I’m so slow from the heat. I find it impossible to do anything in hot weather. Even writing this short post seems incredibly taxing. It also doesn’t help that my laptop radiates the heat of a small sun.

Days are one thing, but nights are a different thing completely. Hot weather and fatigue does strange things to my mind. I have strong memories of being ten years-old and ditching my thick duvet for a polyester Subbuteo pitch in the middle of a ridiculously hot summer’s night, which while admittedly cooler, did leave me with a strong static charge.

I’d like to think I can cope better with heat now, but I really can’t. Last night, I genuinely contemplated emptying and then drinking the water from a nearby radiator instead of embarking on a short journey to the kitchen sink. Fortunately I was far too lazy and hot to bleed a radiator, so I took to sucking the moisture out of my own hand, which at least took my mind off the heat long enough for me to fall asleep.

I don’t want to sound too negative; I do love sunny days. I’m probably just not very well equipped for them. I spend so many days of the year dressing in big, thick layers that it’s difficult to adjust. I haven’t owned a pair of “outside” shorts for what must be at least 4 years and I imagine 70% of my body can’t even remember what sunlight looks like.

While I may not be much of a whooper or a Nerf-throwing Reel 2 Real fan, I am enjoying this sudden change in the weather. It’s drained all my motivation, of course, but it’s nice. I might just need to buy some clothes that aren’t designed to cover as much flesh as possible. Perhaps it’s time to finally buy some “outside” shorts.

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