Official Dogging Area

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Angry residents rip down a fake brown tourist sign pointing to an “official dogging area”. Residents believe that fire may be the best solution here.

The sign was put up on the Cirencester bypass at Birdlip and points towards the Barrow Wake viewpoint – a notorious site for public sexual activity.

Local Mr Pattingson said: “It does tend to make the lives of local residents impossible.

“The viewpoint itself is great. I’ll often put on a pair of silk shorts and drive up to the viewpoint to escape the wife. I’ll be up there for hours, just looking at things.

“You park there at about 11 pm and people come over and start asking if you want to ‘hot rod’.”

‘Hot Rodding’

Mr Pattingson said the sign looked very much like an official one, but after studying it for several hours, decided that fire was the best solution.

“At first, I thought to myself, ‘Official  Dogging Area? How odd,’ but upon closer inspection I decided, ‘Nope, I should burn that – get the devil out of it.'”

Pensioner Dennis Simmons, aged 74, warns locals to stay away from the viewpoint, having seen for himself several days earlier what “hot rodding” entails.

Mr Simmons was out walking his dog Rafferty – poodle – when he heard a noise that he described as “whimpering and engine noises.”

“I naturally assumed someone was in trouble and began cautiously approaching the source.

“The sound was being made by a young man kneeling by the rear of a parked Fiat Uno.

“The young man had both hands behind his head, his trousers and underpants pulled down towards his knees with his Johnson firmly nestled inside the Uno’s exhaust pipe.”

According to Mr Simmons, another young man was sat in the drivers seat “passionately testing the car’s engine capabilities” and “laughing uncontrollably like an alarmed heron.”

After being approached by Mr Simmons, the two men fled the scene in the Uno, narrowly missing Rafferty.

An upset Mr Simmons said: “One can only wonder what kind of sick joy this young pervert thought he was going to receive when he decided to gas his pecker.

“One thing’s for sure: this is not what the good lord intended.

Now that the sign has gone, police expect the “hot rodding” situation to disappear.

PC Sam Bansby issued a statement yesterday that said: “Hot rodders need to be stopped. I’ve just typed “hot’ and “rod” into a popular search engine and the internet is swarming with similar minded deviants. 26,600,000 of them, to be exact.

PC Bansby suspects that the 2007 film “Hot Rod” could responsible for the sign.

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