A Change in the Weather

This country isn’t cut out for hot weather. Two days of sun and everybody loses their minds. Previously seemingly normal people can be seen walking around drunk and bare chested in supermarkets, aimlessly scanning the aisles for crunchy things and more booze. Meat is also purchased, and then burnt to a crisp, producing semi-incinerated meat capsules: charcoaled on the outside, but refreshingly cool in the middle. The song I Like To Move It resonates from tiny, tinny speakers and beer-bellied louts annoy everyone but themselves by throwing one of those awful Nerf things around, which have no doubt provided the unsettling soundtrack to head injuries everywhere. Continue reading »

Music Festivals

I’ve spent much of this week lounging around and recovering from my time at ATP. Unfortunately, unlike last time, I didn’t witness any groups of grown men dancing shirtless around a keg, pounding it and their chests while bellowing, “Keg, keg, keg” in forced deep voices. The same primal behaviour that is  no doubt responsible for making people believe that hog roasts are acceptable social activities. In fact, I don’t the doubt that a hog roast would have taken place if the people chanting “Keg, keg, keg” had been able to find a pig and then discover that there are more effective methods of making fire than simply beating things with sticks. Continue reading »

Guide to being a Student: Part 2 – Takeaways

Students are like a goldmine to takeaway owners: a moronic cash-spewing goldmine fuelled by brightly coloured menus advertising foul dishes with names like “Meat Feast” and “The Big Dripper”. Menus appear so regularly through students letter boxes, they’re pretty much newsletters. Nasty, badly designed newsletters that rarely ever change.

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